25 Things a Dad would NEVER say

Following on from my silly writing blog I did the other day, here is a list for parents to feast upon. 25 things you wouldn't catch a Dad saying.

#1 - 3 Hours is just way too much sleep...
#2 - Mmmmmm the smell of a dirty nappy beats that Air Freshner we use
#3 - Hey son, instead of milk today, how about a Jaeger Bomb?
#4 - God I love Cbeebies, so compelling!
#5 - Yeah go ahead, dribble in my dinner gives it the taste I was looking for.
#6 - Guess it's my turn to breast feed...
#7 - What's that sweetheart? Crying at 4am? Fed and changed? Of course it doesn't agitate me at all
#8 - Hey kids, how about this film before bed tonight: JAWS. It's a bit like Finding Nemo...
#9 - Darling/ Partner/ Significant Other, do you think it's time we moved onto the dictionary as bedtime reading? He's mastered the alphabet, it only makes sense
#10 - I know what will be easy listening before you go to bed...SLIPKNOT!
#11 - I can really connect to this Mr. Tumble guy you keep watching. Let's see him live.
#12 - I don't think these noisy toys are noisy enough. Shall we leave the switch on so it goes off unexpected? That won't scare the life out of me at all
#13 - No noisy toy, I love you for going off as my baby was napping.
#14 - Sorry honey, the toilet was occupied so I used your potty instead...I'd give it 5 minutes.
#15 - hmmm...I wonder if I can fit in one of those nappies.
#16 - Go ahead...sing that Nursery Rhyme another 100 times, it never gets old.
#17 - Will the kids mind if I read them '50 Shades of Grey'? Of course not, if my partner likes it, they're bound to love it
#18 - Damn the wet wipes are all gone...guess this fancy shirt will do in the meantime.
#19 - When I wear the baby pouch to carry my baby, all I get are cool looks.
#20 - Just look at yourself, you're 5 days old and you're crying already. GROW UP!
#21 - Holy cow! I didn't wanna' say it, but these baby sick stains make me look so sophisticated
#22 - Gee...small food pots that cost more than the ingredients used to make it...what a steal!
#23 - Why are you taking all the credit for the birth? I did most of the work.
#24 - If my son wears a miniature sports kit the same as mine it WON'T look adorable AT ALL!
#25 - I'm telling you, I'm glad you shared the bed with me. I love that you wee'd in it, it feels so comfortable now.

Got some of your own super one liners? Got some true outrageous things you've said yourself? Go ahead and add a comment.

Thanks!