25 Things a Writer would NEVER say

Let's have a bit of fun before we get down to business. A mock list of 25 Things you can dream a writer may say, but never truly will.

#1 - Sure, I can go a week without alcohol...

#2 - 120 pages? Is that all they need me to write?

#3 - Final Draft? Who needs that, I'm writing this sucker using COMIC SANS!

#4 - Best write the sequel before the first story. Only makes sense when this mother sells.

#5 - What has Spielberg ever written that was great anyway?

#6 - If I procrastinate over this script long enough it WILL write itself.

#7 - Story? This needs no story! Enough explosions will fill the film up

#8 - How can nobody understand what David Lynch's films mean? They're crystal clear!
#9 - A party with producers around? Like I'm gonna' talk to those schmucks!
#10 - I didn't want you to read the last page so I've got it written on my belly. You'll have to pay me before you get to read it
#11 - What? Star Wars? Never heard of it...is it a Comedy?
#12 - Vogler really doesn't know what a 'hero's journey' is, does he?
#13 - This script is too good to read, best put it in Wingdings font so only the smart know how good I am
#14 - I'm not drinking, when do I ever drink?
#15 - Who the heck is Stephen Moffat anyway?
#16 - So now you've bought my script you are going to cast me in this right? There's no way Meryl Streep could do this role justice
#17 - Television really is short of murder mystery series
#18 - Like I'd ever write my Zombie Apocalypse survival plan...
#19 - No, there's absolutely no whiskey in this coffee...
#20 - If I just copy and paste the Argo script, they'll never know I didn't write it
#21 - Charlie Kaufman is talentless, pure talentless at writing
#22 - If my TV series sells I'm never going to get work again...EVER!
#23 - NO! I don't want a stupid OSCAR for my work!
#24 - How does it NOT make sense? I wrote the whole thing backwards! It's BENJAMIN BUTTON INSPIRED!
#25 - If Doctor Who isn't a documentary I'm going to post my eyelids to the BBC! In a Hello Kitty Purse!

If you have any of your own you'd like to contribute...or know that a write has said one of these lines, go ahead and post it in the comment section.

Thanks!